Literally Illiterate

I overheard somebody talking in the garden of the Pen and Wig the other day whilst my friend was in the toilet, and it made me smile to myself, a lot. I think the misuse of the word 'literally' has to, with no exception, be my favourite fuck-up of the English language there is at the average idiot's disposal. For example, the girl was barking out the rest of her evenings plans to her friend, who was stood on one of the benches trying to warm her hands on the heaters by reaching as high as she could. The following key phrase was dropped:

"I don't know how I'm going to fit everything in over Christmas, I've literally got my fingers in every pie"

An all time great. I can think of countless examples. These clangers usually occur when the person speaking intends to say 'practically': "my relationship with Roy was literally a car wreck", or "I'm literally buggered", "I literally haven't got anything to wear tonight" etc. Maybe it's the fact that one simple word like 'literally' means that any statement is therefore a statement rooted in certainty, fact and unquestionnable actuality, or maybe it's just because people (like myself) like to use it because it's a longer word than 'soooooo". To coin a Friends comparison, it's what sets the Chandlers' from the Phoebes in the world.
In the Private Eye almanacs of 'it's 'Colemanballs' (famousy nonsensical statements made by celebrities, such as 'Mentally, he's as strong as an ox' - Michael Owen, or 'There's more secrets in my family than there is in a hot dinner" - Jeremy Kyle) there is often a chapter dedicated to the year-or-so's pick of the misuse of 'Literally'. Sadly unless the girl in the pub was actually Peaches Geldof (unlikely) or a member of the Royal Family (even more unlikely), 'literally' having a finger in every pie is going to remain mine and her friends little secret.

Post Script: I just typed in 'Literally' into soulseek to see if I could find an interesting song title to suit this post, and it produced a six minute comedy clip of David Cross discussing 'The Misuse of Literally'. Much as I have time for David Cross after he ruined several hundred Sleater Kinney fans lives by taking nearly 30 minutes to introduce their set at All Tomorrows Parties, and then they delivered the punchline by being COMPLETE shite, I'm never going to listen to this six minute clip because I don't want to be reminded that I'm not a successful American comedian who's famous to have his quotes bootlegged onto Soulseek, and I don't think my voice has been recorded by anyone except maybe the Samaritans in probably five years.