How Nightclubs Work (with apologies to Desmond Morriss and Erving Goffman)
Advantage Taking: Seduction tactic involving an uneven balance of alcohol consumption between participants
The Brush-Past: Clubber walks past another with deliberate intent to make arm-to-arm contact (see also: Reverse Bush-Past, Mutual Brush-Past)
Castling: Imitation chess move. This involves a boyfriend/girlfriend, who when they encounter a group of males, the boyfriend stands between the males and the girlfriend, thus 'protecting' his chess piece.
The Chat-and-Check: Making it visually obvious you are talking about someone on the other side of the room, for their benefit.
The Clingon: Unattractive male with significantly more attractive female friends forced into club companionship by blood relation or first-year-housing scenario
Drinks on the Dancefloor: Clubbers who dance with drink(s) in their hand whilst on the dancefloor.
The Drunken Indicator: Clubber does overexaggerated stagger in an obvious display to show they are ready to be taken advantage of, or to do some advantage taking
Facebook Foresight: Wacky antics displayed purely for photographic purposes, to impress the millions of people not currently in the same room as yourself.
Fake Familiarity: Chat-up line of choice, where someone (often an Advantage Taker) pretend to know another individual 'from somewhere'.
Gel-ignite: Loss of haircut prowess due to hot dancefloor lights
Hen Party Horror Show: Either actual Hen Party, or group of inappropriately dressed boisterous females acting so.
Knight-Takes-Bishop: Group of members of one sex infiltrate the space taken by a group of the opposing sex, when they go to the bar.
Lone Ranger: Clubber evidently estranged from their party. Often sports t shirt or clothing irrelevant to their location, Eg. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy t shirt in rock club, Sisters of Mercy t shirt at under 18s night. See Also (Stationary Swinger)
The Mutual Brush-Past: Two clubbers, one passing another, both move their arms to 'accidentally' make arm-to-arm contact
'Our Song': Visually obvious indication that particular song playing has specific meaning. Subcategories: Female 'Our Song' - socially acceptable, although indicated towards Hen Party Horror Show. Male 'Our Song': generally not acceptable due to homo-erotic implications. Couple 'Our Song': highly inappropriate.
Pendulum State of Mind: Attitude of dances that changes when the band Pendulum have their records played, and people become 1992 ravers for four minutes, before returning to normal afterwards.
Plastic Age-defyer: Individual who wishes to lower their perceived age by utilisation of plastic beads in their clothing.
Private Dancer: Dancer (usually male) who places their hand on a 'private' area of the body, IE: crotch-grab, back pockets of jeans. For girls, this involved chest-thrusting and leg rubbing. I can't believe this one even exists.
Realisation Level: This is dependent on the song being played. If the song is already a certain length of time into, then entrance to the dancefloor is deemed unacceptable. Bar-purchases are a valid excuse, but this can lead to Drinks on the Dancefloor. (see also: 'Our Song')
Reverse Brush-Past: Stationary clubber moves their arm to make contact with clubber passing bay, to make arm-to-arm-contact
Smoking Area Meet-and-Greet: Club regular who stops and talks to people about him or herself about their own life and problems to anyone who goes out to smoke. Not to be confused with Lone Ranger, who usually has the talking done at them, rather than from them. Usually this individual has a 'claim to fame' Eg. they are Bono's cousin.
SNL: Single, Not Looking. Hard to determine, as in some nightclubs this is rarer than a dodo.
Sports-Shirt-Midriff: Female clubber who wears a sports shirt clearly purchased several sizes too small so it exposes their midriff
Stationary Swinger: Non-commttal clubber(s) who stand at the side of the dancefloor and 'dance' on the spot. (see also: Lone Ranger)
The Swagger: Less a form of walk as previous definitions of swagger indicate, this is a head movement, as clubber 'investigates' other clubbers as they move from one area of the club to another.
Toilet Bravado: Discussion of how drunk you are/member of your party is whilst urinating
The Tussle: An obviously ruffle of the hair performed as bizarre mating ritual to be seen across nightclub floor by member of the opposite sex.
Unpigeonholeable: Enigmatic clubber who defies simple pigeonholing and therefore remains unobtainable.(see also: SNL, Sports-Shirt-Midriff)
John Widdop likes to considere himself
a relative 'expert' on clubbing body language. To date, this knowledge has never worked.
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