Sweet Love for Planet Earth

Two of my new favourite people are virtual strangers. However, if you want a vastly entertaining way to waste half an hour, then look no further. All internet forums, by common law, are full of absolute fatheads with no better to do. Obviously the only thing worse than this are people who waste their lives reading other peoples dithering pointless drivel on internet forums without having the gall or the guts to write anything yourself, like me. However, I have singled these out, because out of the three internet forums I ever bother to read, they are my favourites. Of the other two, www.drownedinsound.com, I couldn't possible limit myself to one or two people because 99% of people on there are identikit tossers with too much bandwith and a heightened sense of their own wit, based on overcooked one liners they no doubt sit back from their laptops and think "yes, I AM witty" twenty times an hour. The other forum I've already mentioned on a previous blog, and since that's about rollercoasters, I'd rather keep it quiet I even look at it, let alone study it.
No, the third, and clearly the most fun cellar in which I dwell is the Internet Movie Database message boards. Usually just the first page of each, because the html for everything beyond the first five or six posts makes understanding a conversation utterly impossible, and by and large it's the norm for every sixth post to be a complete rehash of one three lines down that people are too cretinous to scroll through, or like me, can't be bothered to read anything beyond the sixth post. People on the IMDB are no different from any other forum, in that the majority have the usual sense of overblown self worth provided by anonymity and freedom of speech, most have pathetic little 'signatures' at the end of each post, usually a quote from an Adam Sandler movie, or some other useless shit you would't dream of wearing on a t shirt, so why splash it all over your online appearance? Even better are the people change their 'signature' every five minutes in order to tell the world a) what the last film they saw was, and b) how much, out of 10, they would give it. I imagine you're really, really boring, and by which I mean even more boring than me, then you can follow people online and start to make up lives for them; "hmm... "saucyfuckermcfuckface hasn't been to see anything since 'Bridge to Terabithia' in four months, I wonder if he's broken his tailbone?" or little gems like "Hmm... well fatfuckingassmuncher seems to see a lot of films in quick success, evidently this loser is unemployed and/or lives above a cinema and/or is a silly little internet pirate geek who has rapidshare on his 'favourites' list" and likes to pretend he went to see There Will Be Blood, but he didn't, because he hasn't got any friends, and is 12.
To the point; my two new friends use the screen names 'eidnoreid' (sic) and 'maritze' (sic). They are hilarious for different reasons. 'marize' doesn't post very much, but uses a ridiculous vernacular of English I've never come across, which reads like an Englishman impersonating an American putting on a bad British accent. He uses words like 'poophead' and 'What a complete turkey!" and has a glorious overuse of exlamation marks, like Dr Suess, and seems like a jolly soul who doesn't let anything bother him. Apart from anyone who has anything to say about the misappropriation of Rugby Union in relation to the Nazis. That's what gets you called a 'poophead'. He also does that bizarre thing by calling people by their exact screen name, even if their screen name look like an Aphex Twin song title. For instance: "Interesting observation Ke77we!", which just looks ridiculous and another good example of why the internet is a load of shit.
'eidnoreid', mind, is a different kettle of fish entirely. Since 2004, this honking great chunk of loser has devoted pretty much every last second of their entire life raving to the entire world about how shit 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was, and it's all the fault of Alfonso Cuaron. Find a link related to either of these the film, or any of Cuarons films, and you'll find this unruly prat has made at least fifty thousand posts about how much a twat he is. Anyone who disagrees get an oligatory 'I know you are' playground taunt befitting of people too young to even know how to spell Potter, let alone be aware of what a particular directors talents are in adapting the book. I haven't seen it, nor do I want to, but by god, after an afternoon spent with 'eidnoreid' I feel like I've got the entire film translated by a digrunted child with no toys left in the pram to throw. A grade A+, oafish, risable bore, but so entertainingly stubborn (several 500 word epics all typed on on Christmas Day, no less) look no further for a reassuringly positive experience. On a similar note, tonight after work I went for a walk around the nearby streets as an excuse to listen to music and buy cigarettes from spar, and decided to walk in a series of pointless figures of eight just so I could get to the end of the CD before I went home. When I arrived home, I found that Pav and Fran were watching 'Magnolia' and I could clearly have watched that instead. I was annoyed I'd probably wasted my evening by walking a stupid route to the shops, and resigned to my room. When I went onto an internet forum and found people arguing about the venue capacity of clubs in Cardiff, I felt a lot better about myself, and my evening.